Friday, September 09, 2005
Emma posted recently about her struggle with writing. I too will freely admit that over the past year, I have started and not finished eight manuscripts. In fact, the last time I completed a story from start to finish was a Regency set Cinderella story from January/February of 2004. Since then, it's been a struggle to finish anything I've started. Part of it has to do with the fact that I became desperate to sell, I began to view becoming published as a sort of...salvation from being poor, from being stuck in this city I live in, to experience the fun that others my age seem to be experiencing. And because of this, my writing stopped coming from the heart and more from trying to copy what I saw everyone else doing--which meant that I was trying to write many things at once since everyone writes different things. But I also realized that I was subconsciously sabotaging myself because I knew that I was not ready for the responsibility of being published. I welcomed the thought of money, dearly, but the responsibility scared the crap out of me.
I'm still struggling with the residual consequences of my eighteen month mad dash--it made me dislike writing, a bit resentful that it came so easily to others, just desiring to quit this writing thing all together. I have highs and lows, but I have come to see the lows as a tool to help me grow stronger because I could quit, I could have quit, but instead I forged through and circled around, desperate to find another angle of penetration--mystery genre, historical fiction, fantasy, paranormal, chick-lit, whatever I gained inspiration from. And it's not going back to the beginning, to when you were naive and enthusiastic, because that would mean going backwards not only craft-wise but mind-set wise, but learning how to combine knowledge with ability, confidence with talent and experience with works. It's about sitting back, getting quiet and still and reflecting on what makes me me and how I can apply it to my writing. There are just so many stories that can be told but no one can tell a often-used story-line the way you can.
There's this sort of myth floating around about writing from the heart, but then there's also this myth floating around about writing smart. Okay, J.K. Rowling didn't set out to write Harry Potter with visions of movie deals and millions involved, but it was obvious that she wanted to get published and that she knew she had what it took(after all, it is apparent that she was in contact with publishers b/c an editor told her that her idea was a bit crazy). And that's what it is ,I think: knowing that you have what it takes. Not wanting to impress editors and agents with your soaring prose or your ability to keep up with the trends or whatnot--it's about knowing that you have what it takes because it's obvious that great writing and/or keeping up with the trends is no guarantee of success. You've got to know yourself and your abilities and be willing to put yourself out on the line on paper and when it comes to finally presenting your work to the proper professionals.
So continuing on with the forging, I've decided to narrow in on the Victorian Era, focusing on Great Britain with possible branches into France and America. To my delight, I have two really great ideas bubbling about in my mind. Both have large touches of the gothic(the Bronte/Holt ouevre and the Brahm Stoker ouevre) and divert from the typical romance pattern. I've stopped labelling my work because it puts pressure to conform to genre type, but it's like...historical fiction with heavy doses of romance, sensuality and horror(psychological or otherwise). I'm not going to expect everything to be perfect at all, but I'm not going to allow myself to wig and bail when things get hairy, so...cross your fingers for me.
i can be. anything.
9.9.05
